On Christmas Eve, my little sister and I drove from Walnut to Culver City to pick up our grandparents and drive them to our parents' house, where the family's Christmas celebration was to occur. We divvied up the responsibilities: she agreed to drive to Culver City and I agreed to drive back. This means that the driver controlled the music, as the CD that was playing in our father's Toyota was a Celine Dion one (and not even the one with the big singles! WTF Dad).
My sister inserted a mix CD that had a mix of things I had never before heard (at one point I asked "Is this Maroon 5?" and she scoffed and said the name of the band, which completely escaped me then and now) and some crossover indie stuff (re: Modest Mouse's "Float On" I said "I can't believe this band is big now." My sister responded, "Really?" and I said, "Yeah! They were so weird and ugly!" Though I guess they're still ugly).
One song I would come to know as "that white girl on those Rhapsody commercials," which I had no idea existed, and I had no idea who this girl was. Apparently her name is Sara Bareilles and her song is entitled "Love Song." I believe the main thrust of the song has to do with Bareilles declaring that she would not write someone a love song because that is precisely what he/she/it would want, accompanied by plonking piano and a big sweeping chorus. My first thought was "What has Vanessa Carlton wrought?!"
Lo and behold a few days later, and we were riding in the back of our parents' car and Carlton's "A Thousand Miles" comes on the radio. I remembered thinking about my initial reaction to the song whenever the hell it was released: that Fiona Apple needn't lose any sleep, and that it seemed like some kind of volley in the Battle for the Souls of Teen Girls that included Carlton, Avril Lavigne, and Michelle Branch. Being that I loathed Lavigne's persona, I felt more comfortable with the bland stylings of Carlton and Branch, and hey at least they played instruments (ugh).
As "A Thousand Miles" played, I was struck by the quite lovely and classic piano line, as good if not better than anything I've heard come outta Alicia Keys' fingertips (I am admittedly not a connoisseur of either). But as the song continued, I came to realize that the piano was the only redeeming factor: the lyrics are trite bullshit delivered in a maudlin tone, especially in comparison to the similar sentiment of that Proclaimers Benny & Joon song, which is instead a joyous delivery of nicely simple lyrics. The melody isn't terrible exactly, but it seems absolutely flat thanks to the non-presence of Carlton's voice, which sounds nasal and monotone, ill-fitting the necessary grandiosity of the song's sweeping sentiment. Also, she has no sense of phrasing whatsoever.
I came to the conclusion that while Lavigne is problematic, she at least has a personality to her voice and can therefore carry a tune in a way that Carlton, at least in this song (as I have never heard another one of hers), is incapable of. I have not reevaluated--nor care to--Michelle Branch as I have not had the (mis)fortune of hearing a song of hers on the radio, but I recall her having more of a Morrissettian bite to her voice than Lavigne. And this Bareilles song which I am now acquainted with thanks to that commercial I've now seen 1395010981 times: the girl at least has a (fairly dull) lushness to her voice in a way that I imagine what people must like about Feist.
So, lastly, in regards to every artist mentioned above: Apple >>>>>>>>>>> Lavigne > Modest Mouse > Morrissette > Dion > "Love Song" > Feist > Branch > Keys > Maroon 5 > Carlton.
Just FYI: when I drove back, my mix CD (which I found in some drawer in my parents house) began with Badly Drawn Boy's "The Shining," followed by "The Weather" by Built To Spill. And then "God Only Knows." :-/ But the Breeders' "Divine Hammer" and Patti Smith's "Dancing Barefoot" did follow, so there's that at least.
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