memorized breaths

random music thoughts i had while in southern california, part 2

So my parents joined the 21st century not only by getting wireless internet but also DVR! One of the things I DVR'd was VH1's Top 100 Songs of the 90s, a list that had earlier been emailed to me and fellow 90s karaoke enthusiasts Kate, Brolene, and Stan by The Snark. Here is the full list:

01 Nirvana - "Smells Like Teen Spirit"
02 U2 - "One"
03 Backstreet Boys - "I Want It That Way"
04 Whitney Houston - "I Will Always Love You"
05 Madonna - "Vogue"
06 Sir Mix-A-Lot - "Baby Got Back"
07 Britney Spears - "...Baby One More Time"
08 TLC - "Waterfalls"
09 R.E.M. - "Losing My Religion"
10 Sinéad O'Connor - "Nothing Compares 2 U"
11 Pearl Jam - "Jeremy"
12 Alanis Morissette - "You Oughta Know"
13 Dr. Dre (Feat. Snoop Doggy Dogg) - "Nuthin' but a "G" Thang"
14 Mariah Carey - "Vision of Love"
15 Red Hot Chili Peppers - "Under the Bridge"
16 MC Hammer - "U Can't Touch This"
17 Destiny's Child - "Say My Name"
18 Metallica - "Enter Sandman"
19 Beastie Boys - "Sabotage"
20 Hanson - "MMMBop"
21 Celine Dion - "My Heart Will Go On"
22 Beck - "Loser"
23 Salt-N-Pepa with En Vogue - "Whatta Man"
24 House of Pain - "Jump Around"
25 Soundgarden - "Black Hole Sun"
26 Eminem - "My Name Is"
27 Counting Crows - "Mr. Jones"
28 Ricky Martin - "Livin' la Vida Loca"
29 Vanilla Ice - "Ice Ice Baby"
30 *NSYNC - "Tearin' Up My Heart"
31 Radiohead - "Creep"
32 BLACKstreet - "No Diggity"
33 Spice Girls - "Wannabe"
34 Third Eye Blind - "Semi-Charmed Life"
35 Oasis - "Wonderwall"
36 C+C Music Factory - "Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)"
37 Green Day - "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)"
38 Christina Aguilera - "Genie In A Bottle"
39 Goo Goo Dolls - "Iris"
40 Color Me Badd - "I Wanna Sex You Up"
41 Spin Doctors - "Two Princes"
42 Collective Soul - "Shine"
43 En Vogue - "My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)"
44 The Fugees - "Killing Me Softly With His Song"
45 Hootie & the Blowfish - "Only Wanna Be With You"
46 Shania Twain - "You're Still the One"
47 Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch - "Good Vibrations"
48 Matchbox Twenty - "3 AM"
49 Jewel - "Who Will Save Your Soul"
50 Alice in Chains - "Man in the Box"
51 Tupac (Feat. Dr. Dre and Roger Troutman) - "California Love"
52 Sugar Ray - "Fly"
53 Naughty by Nature - "O.P.P."
54 Joan Osborne - "One of Us"
55 Fiona Apple - "Criminal"
56 L.L. Cool J - "Mama Said Knock You Out"
57 Jay-Z featuring Amil and Ja Rule - "Can I Get A..."
58 Sophie B. Hawkins - "Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover"
59 Weezer - "Buddy Holly"
60 Bell Biv DeVoe - "Poison"
61 Sheryl Crow - "All I Wanna Do"
62 Live - "I Alone"
63 The Notorious B.I.G. (Feat. Mase & Puff Daddy) - "Mo Money Mo Problems"
64 The Presidents of the United States of America - "Peaches"
65 Digital Underground - "The Humpty Dance"
66 Edwin McCain - "I'll Be"
67 Deee-Lite - "Groove Is In The Heart"
68 Will Smith - "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It"
69 Korn - "Freak on a Leash"
70 Jamiroquai - "Virtual Insanity"
71 Arrested Development - "Tennessee"
72 Barenaked Ladies - "One Week"
73 Marcy Playground - "Sex and Candy"
74 Cher - "Believe"
75 Kris Kross - "Jump"
76 Blues Traveler - "Run-Around"
77 Ice Cube - "It Was a Good Day"
78 Lenny Kravitz - "Are You Gonna Go My Way"
79 Meredith Brooks - "Bitch"
80 Right Said Fred - "I'm Too Sexy"
81 Paula Cole - "I Don't Want to Wait"
82 Geto Boys - "Mind Playing Tricks on Me"
83 The Breeders - "Cannonball"
84 Snow - "Informer"
85 Cypress Hill - "Insane In The Brain"
86 The Cranberries - "Linger"
87 Billy Ray Cyrus - "Achy Breaky Heart"
88 Duncan Sheik - "Barely Breathing"
89 Liz Phair - "Never Said"
90 New Radicals - "You Get What You Give"
91 Sarah McLachlan - "Building a Mystery"
92 Public Enemy - "911 Is A Joke"
93 Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories - "Stay"
94 Fastball - "The Way"
95 Montell Jordan - "This is How We Do It"
96 Nelson - "(Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection"
97 Prince & The New Power Generation - "Gett Off"
98 EMF - "Unbelievable"
99 Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliott - "The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly)"
100 Gerardo - "Rico Suave"

My initial response via email was such:

"never said"? what?!

also when will people realize that teen spirit isn't even a top 5 nirvana song, god.

also: i want it that way > one.

lastly: no aaliyah = NULL.

And then:

WAIT A SECOND THERE IS NO JANET JACKSON ON HERE EITHER HELLOOOOOOOOO

And after talking about the many singles off of Rhythm Nation 1814:

p.s. i have never been gayer

Which I think is true.

While the show itself was full of the usual grating VH1 talking head personalities who mug for the camera and tell bad jokes and then think that singing along to a song is sufficient commentary (as well as a bunch of the same sad has-been 90s stars that are on this list), I have to say that the list isn't all that bad for something that was chosen by regular viewers of the channel.

There are certain songs that sound better now than I ever thought they were at the height of their popularity: Sugar Ray (it just sounds really OC or something, so I guess I think it's charming rather than annoying now), Collective Soul (my "controversial" opinion is that I think this song has aged better than "Teen Spirit"! But I've never been a big proponent of Cobain aside from a few songs here and there, so whatever), Spice Girls (which bugged the shit outta me when it came out). Some are still stone-cold classics: the Breeders, Bell Biv Devoe, Dee-Lite, Sophie B. Hawkins, most of the hip-hop and r&b selections. Some are still painfully mediocre: Duncan Sheik (not a terrible lyric though and a decent enough melody), Sarah McLachlan (has there ever been a more boring voice? On the show, Jewel says that McLachlan's voice is like butter or a blanket, I forget which one, but to me it's a bottle of Melatonin). And some are just so bad they're kinda funny: Billy Ray Cyrus, Snow, Gerardo.

There are a few on here that I actively dislike but can see some kind of merit: Will Smith (I think I just don't like him at all probably because I'M A JOYLESS FUCK), Jay-Z (I think he's stellar, I just despise the voices of Amil and Ja Rule...thank fucking God Amil never had more of a career), Alanis Morissette (for being so "full" of "hurt," the arrangement is pretty wimpy and Alanis sounds like a titmouse but I guess she allowed, as the eminently quotable Courtney Love once said, "a safer version of female rage," so props I guess), Matchbox Twenty ("Push" at least has the balls to make him a dick!), Korn (merit? Uh...the drummer is kind of hot and is a pretty good drummer at that), Eminem (really cloying production which I know is the point, but he'd have far better songs than this one), Paula Cole (guh! I guess she can sing though; also Dawson's Creek which is terrible but at least definitive). Also I still don't get the love for that Jamiroquai song. Does anyone care about this without the (fantastic) video?

There are, however, a few I find almost irredeemable. There should be some kind of cagematch between Edwin McCain, Meredith Brooks, Spin Doctors, and Celine Dion. Let's take a close (but not too close) look at each of our candidates for Will's Most Hated Song on VH1's Top 100 Songs of the 90s.

Edwin McCain - I'll Be
pros: It's got a nice sweeping chorus. Actually a pretty memorable melody. And now it's in my head.
cons: It's in my head. And for being some kind of love devotion song, he sounds pretty dire and miserable. Also "crying shoulder" has always stuck out to me as a horrible image and terrible lyric--maybe my least favorite of the decade.

Meredith Brooks - Bitch
pros: safer even than Alanis!
cons: I didn't really think this was all that bad when it came out, but when I heard it again on the show I was stunned by how horrific this sounded.  Really trite lyrics, a riff that sounds like it was composed on the whitest computer imaginable, and awful awful pseudo-snarly voice. Also, worst look in any of these videos, including Justin Timberlake's hair at the time.

Spin Doctors - Two Princes
pros: ...I guess maybe the "Just go ahead now"s seem like he's nonchalant about winning the girl, but God do those still sound annoying.
cons: Have you heard this shit?! The lead singer dude's fucking attempt at scatting I MEAN HONESTLY. That dude supposedly almost lost his voice. The fact that he didn't is a crime against humanity.

Celine Dion - My Heart Will Go On
pros: ...I mean, I guess Celine really knows how to sell a song, don't she?
cons: I don't know if it's the ubiquity and its ties to Titanic that makes this seem worse than it actually is, but it just sounds so bombastic and overblown and--much like the McCain song--makes love sound really dire. And actually kind of threatening. Also that Irish flute or whatever at the beginning is really obnoxious.

Which one's worse? I really can't tell. I think I'll go for Spin Doctors for the win. Barely.

random music thoughts i had while in southern california, part 1

On Christmas Eve, my little sister and I drove from Walnut to Culver City to pick up our grandparents and drive them to our parents' house, where the family's Christmas celebration was to occur. We divvied up the responsibilities: she agreed to drive to Culver City and I agreed to drive back. This means that the driver controlled the music, as the CD that was playing in our father's Toyota was a Celine Dion one (and not even the one with the big singles! WTF Dad).

My sister inserted a mix CD that had a mix of things I had never before heard (at one point I asked "Is this Maroon 5?" and she scoffed and said the name of the band, which completely escaped me then and now) and some crossover indie stuff (re: Modest Mouse's "Float On" I said "I can't believe this band is big now." My sister responded, "Really?" and I said, "Yeah! They were so weird and ugly!" Though I guess they're still ugly).

One song I would come to know as "that white girl on those Rhapsody commercials," which I had no idea existed, and I had no idea who this girl was. Apparently her name is Sara Bareilles and her song is entitled "Love Song." I believe the main thrust of the song has to do with Bareilles declaring that she would not write someone a love song because that is precisely what he/she/it would want, accompanied by plonking piano and a big sweeping chorus. My first thought was "What has Vanessa Carlton wrought?!"

Lo and behold a few days later, and we were riding in the back of our parents' car and Carlton's "A Thousand Miles" comes on the radio. I remembered thinking about my initial reaction to the song whenever the hell it was released: that Fiona Apple needn't lose any sleep, and that it seemed like some kind of volley in the Battle for the Souls of Teen Girls that included Carlton, Avril Lavigne, and Michelle Branch. Being that I loathed Lavigne's persona, I felt more comfortable with the bland stylings of Carlton and Branch, and hey at least they played instruments (ugh).

As "A Thousand Miles" played, I was struck by the quite lovely and classic piano line, as good if not better than anything I've heard come outta Alicia Keys' fingertips (I am admittedly not a connoisseur of either). But as the song continued, I came to realize that the piano was the only redeeming factor: the lyrics are trite bullshit delivered in a maudlin tone, especially in comparison to the similar sentiment of that Proclaimers Benny & Joon song, which is instead a joyous delivery of nicely simple lyrics. The melody isn't terrible exactly, but it seems absolutely flat thanks to the non-presence of Carlton's voice, which sounds nasal and monotone, ill-fitting the necessary grandiosity of the song's sweeping sentiment. Also, she has no sense of phrasing whatsoever.

I came to the conclusion that while Lavigne is problematic, she at least has a personality to her voice and can therefore carry a tune in a way that Carlton, at least in this song (as I have never heard another one of hers), is incapable of. I have not reevaluated--nor care to--Michelle Branch as I have not had the (mis)fortune of hearing a song of hers on the radio, but I recall her having more of a Morrissettian bite to her voice than Lavigne. And this Bareilles song which I am now acquainted with thanks to that commercial I've now seen 1395010981 times: the girl at least has a (fairly dull) lushness to her voice in a way that I imagine what people must like about Feist.

So, lastly, in regards to every artist mentioned above: Apple >>>>>>>>>>> Lavigne > Modest Mouse > Morrissette > Dion > "Love Song" > Feist > Branch > Keys > Maroon 5 > Carlton.

Just FYI: when I drove back, my mix CD (which I found in some drawer in my parents house) began with Badly Drawn Boy's "The Shining," followed by "The Weather" by Built To Spill. And then "God Only Knows." :-/ But the Breeders' "Divine Hammer" and Patti Smith's "Dancing Barefoot" did follow, so there's that at least.